A research paper presented in The Family Journal brings attention to a fear that often stays hidden when discussing dating anxiety: the fear of turning others down. While many conversations around dating anxiety focus on the worry of being judged or rejected, this study introduces three separate fear-driven reasons behind people’s hesitation to open themselves up to dating opportunities.
Psychologist Myles Rizvi from Pacific University in Hillsboro, Oregon, explains that dating anxiety becomes a real issue when it creates enough emotional distress to make dating an unpleasant or even unbearable experience.
Dating Anxiety (Photo: Alamy)Rizvi points out that when someone’s anxiety blocks their chances to meet others and build relationships that meet their emotional, physical, and intellectual needs, then it falls under clinical dating anxiety that deserves attention.
How to Cope With Dating Anxiety
Different approaches are required to manage dating anxiety depending on one’s stage in the dating process. Those who are not currently seeing anyone have a good chance to invest in personal growth, while individuals already in relationships may need to make adjustments to both their mindset and their relationship dynamics.
Outlined below are eleven ways to manage dating anxiety:
1. Know Yourself
Take time to understand what brings you happiness and the strengths that define you. Building self-confidence ensures that you seek someone who adds value to your life, not someone you depend on to feel whole.
2. Know What You Are Looking For
A strong fear of rejection can push people into trying to become what they believe others desire. Spending time reflecting on what is appreciated in others makes it easier to judge whether someone fits into your life, rather than worrying about being good enough for them.
For individuals who find this task difficult, observing the people you feel at ease around compared to those who make you uneasy can offer clues. Patterns observed here may help determine healthy preferences in future relationships.
3. Try to Reduce People Pleasing
Many people find it tough to let go of pleasing others, especially when taught from a young age to prioritise others’ feelings. While kindness remains essential, it is equally important to maintain personal boundaries and ensure personal needs are met.
Pleasing a partner with a gift (Photo: Shutterstock)In dating, focusing on personal goals and desires can help relieve the pressure to impress others and highlight if you are genuinely enjoying the interaction. It is especially important to resist holding onto a relationship purely out of fear of hurting the other person.
4. Build Quality Habits
Establishing strong habits like getting good sleep, maintaining hygiene, and being mindful about technology usage supports better mental health. These habits lay down a solid foundation that helps handle anxiety more effectively.
5. Live for Today
Waiting endlessly for the “perfect” partner only delays happiness. It is advisable to plan life as a fulfilled single person while keeping an open heart for future love.
Living fully in the present creates a balanced approach to dating without desperation. While the hope of family and companionship remains valid, positioning oneself for that future without pausing personal dreams is essential.
6. Look In Good Places
It is useful to reflect on where potential partners are being met. Ensuring these settings align with the kind of life envisioned for yourself increases the chances of meeting the right kind of people. Engaging in hobbies and activities you enjoy can provide natural meeting grounds in a relaxed environment.
7. Plan Dates You Find Exciting
Whenever the chance comes to plan a date, it is wise to choose activities you personally enjoy. This strategy guarantees that even if the date does not go smoothly, you still find joy in the outing, which helps in reducing anxiety linked to dating.
8. Ask Clarifying Questions
Awkward silences during dates can be frightening, but asking thoughtful questions based on what your date has previously shared can ease tension. If your date mentioned growing up near mountains, for instance, asking about their favourite seasons could reignite the conversation.
Practicing these techniques with family or friends before applying them on dates helps in building confidence. It is worth remembering that the other person might be dealing with anxiety too, so patience remains important.
9. Remember Your Value
Feelings of low worth often accompany dating anxiety, especially when comparing oneself to others in relationships. Reflecting on the skills and qualities that have helped you succeed in other areas of life can act as a powerful reminder.
Relationship Anxiety (Photo: Getty Images)These strengths often translate well into building strong and healthy relationships. Keeping these reminders close can help challenge the internal fears brought on by anxiety.
10. Bend, Don’t Break
Adjusting slightly to a new partner is natural and can even be endearing. Picking up minor habits or attending events together shows flexibility. However, reshaping yourself completely to fit someone else’s expectations can amplify dating anxiety. Making drastic changes can cause discomfort and increase stress rather than easing the relationship process.
11. Be Interested In Others
Taking a genuine interest in learning about others helps reduce personal anxiety while making conversations feel smoother and more engaging. Asking meaningful questions about a person’s life, passions, and values builds stronger connections. Shifting the focus from self-doubt to curiosity about another’s experience often opens doors to deeper relationships.
When to Seek Professional Support
Seeking help from a professional might be necessary if dating anxiety blocks the achievement of relationship goals.
It is advisable to consider therapy if any of the following occurs:
- Dating anxiety interferes with sleep or everyday activities
- Persistent unwanted thoughts or overwhelming worry
- Self-criticism becomes too difficult to manage
Mental health professionals can assist in breaking harmful thought cycles and teaching effective ways to control anxiety. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) have proven helpful for many individuals. An online directory for therapists can be a good place to begin, or therapy platforms available online make finding virtual sessions convenient.